so yeah, I'm back after a LOOONG time of not writing.

I like this xanga. I can write down all my feelings :D

I read what I had written last entry, and it said I was going to go talk to my boyfriend. Well, yeah it's been a LOONG time now, and I have. And I know him now, I really do, and he knows me. And before, I was afraid of being alone with him, but I'm not anymore. And he's a great kisser :P

i dont wanna write anymore. I have a headache and a bit of a hangover so yeah im gunna go back to bed

<3

i never thought being in love would bring so many consequences.

i'm alowed to hold my boyfriend's hand right? and to lean on his shoulder when we're watching a movie.

then why do people think im mean?

see there is this girl who likes him. and i mean, they were together last year and she still likes him, and when she found out im dating him, she got really mad at me. she wouldn't talk to me for like a week. she's a good friend to me, so it was weird. i know that she's still very sad, even though it ahs been like 1½ months now. i dont want to make her sad, but what can i do? just sit there and stare at him?

and like, some of the girls in my class thinx im really mean to my friend when im doing this but it isn't my fault..right?

so then why does it feel like it? and why did i break out crying yesterday in math because i feel so horrible? and why can't i go to school cuz it hurts seeing her everytime.

life is so hard.

oh, and my really close friend, whose best friends with him, doesn't think that this relationship will last because...i don't know anything about him, and he hardly knows anything about me. or my past. he doesn't know anything about my life in korea. and i hardly know anything about his past. but i love him. and i really want this to last. so what should i do?

ok im gunna start to get to know him better. i mean, we knew each other like, 4 days then we were dating. it's kinda..awkward. so yeah today im going to talk to him. ok so yeah, i mean like i talk to him but i mean like..ask him if we can like..talk talk. and im gunna try not to make it sound like i wanna break up. cuz i dont, but sometimes when people just wanna talk-talk the other person sometimes takes it as "uh-oh she's gunna break up with me" and they get all nervous n all.

ok im gunna stop talking about MY love life at the moment. my friend, who lives in a city like 40min away, is in love with my friend, who is literally my neighbour haha. and it's so cute cuz when she came to visit, like the day before she was going to leave she told me she likes him. and i thought it was obvious that he liked her (everyone thought so) but my friend didn't. so i asked him if he likes her and he said yes. it's sooo cute. but im not going to bother their soon-to-be relationship (tss...hahaha so cute!!). so yeah

i'll just leave it here.

have a great day fellows.

Currently Listening Mad World By Michael Andrews, Gary Jules Mad World see related

Isnt it weird. One day you love someone, the next you guys are dating, even though you've just known each other for like..4 days. sometimes when you're not with him, you really miss him. you want him close to you. you wish he was there right that second, even though you know he cant be. then when you see him, its not the same. you give him a hug and you talk a little, but then you just sit there and want to go back to when you cudd just dream about him. other times, when he's not there you think your whole relationship over and you really cant decide if you really love him or not, but then when you see him all that goes away. you're sure its him you love. him and no one else. and thats love.

its really hard to live in this world. no one understands me. i live in a paradise now. its a great life. but about 4 months ago i lived in another paradise on the other side of the world. i had great friends and i loved it there. i loved it really much. then i had to move. i love it here too, but where i lived before, South Korea..people understood when i sometimes started crying saying "i miss sweden so muuuch" (im from sweden..grew up there..moved to korea when i was 10..now i live in sweden again). and then people wudd say stuff like "oh hun i understand you" and they wudd hug me. and i knew that they understood. they had been through the same thing i had. but here in sweden when people say "i understand" i know they dont. because they havent lived anywhere else but sweden. they havent gone to an american boarding school in korea and they havent had friends in all ages like Katya, Graham, Lexi, Talia who were like borthers and sisters too me. the people i REALLY REALLY loved there are Katya who was like a sister. Talia and Lexi who also were like sisters to me. Graham, Alexey, Safwan, and also surprisingly Carlos as well(since he was on the bus rides n everythin) who were all like brothers too me. You guys really took take of me,  Soo who was my best friend. Darin as well who was also my best friend and someone i used to love with all my heart. Sunkyu who was my perverted friend and came up with all perverted jokes. Jihyun who was the innocent one and didnt get any of the perverted jokes :P love ya still jihyun. Theresa who was my roommmate. Diana who was my best friend in Ulsan and who came to TCIS. and everyone else in 7th grade..and all my teachers. i really miss ALL OF YOU a LOT.

anyways i was talking to lexi on msn now. and yeah i've been crying for like..1 hour and my eyes are really swollen but im gunna go now.

but if there is ANYONE out there who feels as lonely as me. please talk to me